Where have you gone, Linda?

I'm still here

Excerpts from Wonderworld

October 23, 2023

Dear friends,

I am still here. I must make my posts short. For me, that is near impossible because my mind “goes deep” quickly and I want to expound. But then I never finish my writing to send it to you.

Since I last wrote, I packed up the car, Mom and Ruby to visit family in stunning Glen Arbor, Michigan (aka Sleeping Bear) and then we flew over to Beaver Island for a gorgeous time including my two cousins, two sisters, and my aunt descending on the little chalet for a girls retreat. We shared fantastic meals, trips to the Toy Museum and driftwood gathering on the beach leading to hours at the table together creating beaded mobiles and totems, and so much laughter.

Within the days following, Mom and I hopped another plane to the breathless Blue Ridge Mountains where my nephew and his wife celebrated their pandemic marriage at the most ethereal, divine wedding I’ve ever attended. And the first one I have officiated.

My beautiful nephew and new niece, Anthony and Teri Pulsone at their wedding in Blowing Rock, North Carolina

Crashing after those trips, I spent a month trying to get my bearings and helping Mom get through an infection. And then I began a process I never wanted to begin.

My beautiful doghter, Ruby, at nine years old, was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. Cancer has invaded her bone marrow and blood. The diagnosis was suggested early in September, and after a stressful breath-holding month of blood tests, ultrasound, needle biopsy, spine x-rays and a core bone marrow biopsy, it was finally confirmed by her MSU Oncologist.

Ruby and I at Proud Lake State Park in Wixom, Michigan, Ruby at the Bike Store, Ruby talking, and Ruby outside of Kroger grocery store with pumpkins (you can see one of the bone marrow biopsy sites on her shoulder.

So, with gloves on, every day I administer a chemotherapy pill wrapped up in a piece of chicken. It’s toxic. But it’s potentially life-giving for her. If it is effective in stopping the growth of the antibodies, the cancer will hopefully go into remission, giving her a year, two, or possibly more. That’s a much better prognosis than the resident doctor at Michigan State University initially gave her.

Prednisone every day helps reduce inflammation and aid in the treatment, but it also makes her ravenous and excessively thirsty at night and restless. She has no interest in sleep, despite my attempts to manage her discomfort or distract her with games to get her on her bed. My eyes and body are tired because we’re not sleeping, but I’m grateful for the potential of this treatment. Fingers and heart crossed.

Joys and pains go together. Rich family time and suffering. There is so much to process.

But I haven’t forgotten about you. Nor about wonderworld.

There are still wonders in my world. Numbers one and two are my gorgeous, feisty furbaby and my beautiful Mama. All the numbers following are around me in the books I’m reading, the music I hear, the majestic maple leaves dressed in their bright orange finery and their scarlet hues.

I cannot ignore the crisis in Israel and Palestine. Terrorism, hostages, genocide, rockets bombing, and hate crimes worldwide…it is a horror and nightmare for so many, including family and friends across the world witnessing the coverage and receiving communications from afar. And we must not forget Ukraine and all of the death and destruction its people have suffered. And those innocents in Russia. It is a terrible time in the world.

How do we see the wonders in these oppressive crises times? Between gasps and heartache, we MUST find our wonderworld if we are to survive and find any joy in living. We must go to the forest. We must stop and pick up a turning leaf. We must sing—or cry—our favorite songs. We must hold our loved one’s faces and kiss their cheeks or hug their furry bodies.

We must do what we can do practically to care for the innocents, to free the captives, to pray for peace. Whatever is in our power.

I will leave you with this, a stirring, poignant song of love called Bailero from Chants d’Auvergne. It touches my heart deeply.

There I go again with “the deeps.”

This is actually a short post for me. ; )

I wish you all love and glimmers of joy in the midst of the trials.

Much love, from me and Ruby,

Linda